So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
