saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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