He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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