My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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