you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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