Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
