Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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