Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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