you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I will be naked everywhere
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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