I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
