I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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