So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
