You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
