You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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