At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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