Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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