I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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