the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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