I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
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So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
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