After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
