Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize