so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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