2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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