I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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