did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
