i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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