Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
