dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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