I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
