just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
