I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
It was like getting head from an anaconda
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
