i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
