he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
