I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
