He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
