From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh