can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want her autograph on my taint
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.