connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.