Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
