I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.