non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
