how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
