Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
