Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
