Michael Bay diarrhea
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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