If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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