im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize