I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Randomize