dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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