Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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