I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
