Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
