that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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