hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
