i don't plan on having that self control this summer
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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