Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
