is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
