i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
