She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Sext me about skeletons
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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