One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
