Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
