New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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