You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
